Blood On My Hands
by ElvenRanger
Summary: "Everyone gets hurt because of me. If I'm gone, the hurt will go away."-Chapter 5 (Which is up!) Harry angst.
1. Rounding Second

)All Right. This is my first HP fan fic and I hope that it gets some attention.  
  
))Disclaimer: Although I own all the books, I do not iwn the copyright or the franchise. Plus, I'm making a good part of this stuff up.  
  
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Harry walked slowly down the halls of Hogwarts, at a loss as to what to do. It was Saturday, and he had just gotten out of detention with Snape. Harry was still unsure about why he had gotten detention; maybe it had been that rude picture of Snape with Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
It sure had been funny though.  
  
Harry was looking for Ron and Hermione. He had looked in Gryffindor Tower, the Library, and even Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. No one seemed to know where they were.  
  
He was beginning to get rather depressed. He had just spent two hours labeling jars of very disgusting things while his hands froze and Snape tried to provoke him into saing some thing that would get Harry another hour in detention.He had thought his friends would be there to cheer him up.  
  
Just then he heard a laugh from one of the empty classrooms in front of him. A laugh he knew to be Hermione's.  
  
He quickened his pace and was going to speak when he got to the door, but it was partially open. He looked in, and was horrified by what he saw.  
  
Hermione was siting on a desk, with Ron standing in front of her. They were kissing! Hermione was wearing a short skirt, and Ron had a hand on her bare leg. As Harry watched, petrified in morbid fascination, that same hand slid under Hermione's shirt, and the hem went higher and higher.  
  
Harry let out a strangled noise and backed up against the wall. His friends heard him, and looked up.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione said, pulling her shirt down guiltily.  
  
"Uh.Harry.um.." Began Ron.  
  
"How long?" Harry croaked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, 'How long'" Harry asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"A few months." Hermione said quietly.  
  
Harry went pale. For a few moments, Harry stood stock still, staring at them. Then he said stiffly, "Excuse me, I need to go somewhere." He turned and ran down the hallway, ignoring Ron and Hermione as they called for him to come back.  
  
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)You like? It gets even more angsty later, so stick with me. Please R&R! I'm going to be bitchy and demand 5 reviews before I post a new chapter. I encourage multiple entries!  
  
))P.S.- I love the idea of Ron and Hermione together, I'm just thinking about Harry's reaction. Plus, I'm playing on the fact that sometimes Harry can be very dense. R&R, R&R, R&R! 


	2. How did you expect me to react?

)Okay. I'm just going to reiterate what I said before.what did I say before? Oh well.on with the story.  
  
))Disclaimer:I have no copyright.only artistic liscense.  
  
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On Friday, Harry walked out of Transfiguration to find Ron waiting for him. Harry had been avoiding both Ron and Hermione for the past week, and Harry did not plan on having a conversaiton now. Not with Saturday's Quidditch game against Ravenclaw on his mind. Harry turned his back on Ron, and wlaked the other way.  
  
"Harry!Harry wait!" said Ron, catching up to Harry easily. "Harry, look."  
  
"Ron, I don't feel like talking right now." Harry said, not looking at Ron.  
  
"Harry, we were going to tel you, but."  
  
"You thought I would freak out?"  
  
"Well.yes."  
  
Harry stopped, and looked Ron straight in the eye. "Well congratulations, Weasley, you and Hermione were right." Harry continued down the hallway. Ron stared after him for a moment, then caught up again.  
  
"Harry, we didn't want you to know.not like that." Ron said, looking at the gound, his hands in his pockets.  
  
"I wouldn't have known like that if you had told me." Harry glanced at Ron. "How would you feel if you found two of your friends.snogging?"  
  
"We were just kissing!"  
  
"No, you were rounding second base and headed toward third!"  
  
Ron blushed scarlet. "And what business is it of yours if me and Hermione are.you know! Damn it, Harry, I was apologizing!"  
  
"Why?" asked Harry. "What do *you* have to be sorry for?"  
  
"You know what, I don't know!" Said Ron. "I don't have anything to apologize for, but I apologized anyway."  
  
"Yeah? Well then apology not accepted!" yelled Harry.  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
They stomped off into opposite directions.  
  
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)Oooh, the tension mounts! For those of you rooting for Harry/Cho, you'll like the next chapter. I'm not so sure about the later chapters though. Hah. My bro told me to write that. Bye bye! (Review!) 


	3. Okay, It's a Date

)Yay! Chapter 3! I'm writing this on the computer as fast as I can, so be patient. Chapter 5 is only 2 chapters away. Keep reviewin', and I'll keep the chapters coming.  
  
P.S.- This is a Harry/Cho scene. Little fluff.  
  
))Disclaimer: I have come up with a fool proof plan to get the Harry Potter copyright. I'll let you know how it goes.  
  
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Harry woke on Saturday to the sound of rain pelting the windows. He rolled over with a groan and tried to go back to sleep. After a few minutes he sighed, rolled out of bed, pulled on some clothes, and went down to breakfast. Only a few people were down in the Great Hall, and there was no food on the plates yet. Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table, still slightly bleary eyed, and poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
Harry looked up, right in the middle of drinking his juice. It was Cho Chang. Harry spluttered and coughed as his juice tried to invade his lungs.  
  
"Are you okay?" Cho asked, concerned.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said. "Juice went down the wrong pipe."  
  
"Ahh"  
  
Awkward Silence.  
  
"So . what did you want to talk to me about?" Harry asked.  
  
"Uhhh,. good luck in today's game." She said.  
  
"Yeah, you too."  
  
More Awkward Silence.  
  
"Um, Harry?" she said sitting down next to him.  
  
"Yeah?" Harry was painfully aware of how close their faces were.  
  
"I like you." She said all in a rush. It took Harry a moment to process it.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Well . I like you too, Cho." Harry said. They were silent for a moment, but this time it was not the dreaded Awkward Silence  
  
"So there's a trip to Hogsmeade tommorow." Harry said. Cho nodded. "Do you wanna, like, meet at the Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer?  
  
"Sure!" said Cho, with a smile that made Harry's insides all melty.  
  
"Okay, it's a date." Said Harry.  
  
"Yeah." Said Cho. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then got up and smiled.  
  
"You know," she said. "Just because we're going out now doesn't mean that I'm not going to kick your ass in today's game."  
  
Harry laughed, and stood up. "Same here, Cho." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. Their eyes met, and instead of kissing her cheek, he was kissing her lips. He thought she would pull away, but she kissed him back, putting a hand on his cheek, and an arm over his shoulder.  
  
"Well." She said, when they broke their kiss. "See you at the game." With a quick kiss she turned and walked to the Ravenclaw table. Harry stood staring after her, looking like he had been hit by a tornado.  
  
Fred and George Weasley walked past him, and couldn't help but remark.  
  
"Harry, your glasses are crooked."  
  
  
  
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)Fun Chapter! Okay, the next Chapter is where the angst kinda begins again, so be forewarned! Review! 


	4. Ooh, that's gotta hurt

)Okay! Thanks for your loud support of my story! I'm very pleased you like it. I just hope you still like me after the next few chapters.  
  
Oh, yeah. I'd just like to point out that I completely made up the names of the Ravenclaw players (except for Cho and Roger Davies.)  
  
))Disclaimer:MY evil sceme failed .*sniff* . I do not own the copyright. But I do own a giant fork!(Heh heh heh- Seriously)  
  
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"People!" said Fred, calling his teammates to attention. They were all standing in the locker room, dressed in Gryfindor's red. "Okay. If you can use the plays we worked out, great. If not, make something up. Be creative. I would really like to win, and I know all of you would like to as well." Fred looked at Dean Thomas, Gryffindor's new Keeper. "Play like you did last game. That was an excellent save." Dean blushed.  
  
Who knew Dean would make such a good Keeper? Thought Harry as Fred ushered them outside. It was still raining, but that had never stopped a Quidditch game before. Fred led them to the center of the pitch where the Ravenclaws and Madame Hooch stod waiting. Fred and Roger Davies shook hands firmly.  
  
"On my mark," Madame Hooch said. "Three, two, one ." her whistle blew, and the 14 players rose into the air.  
  
By the first minute of the game, Harry was completely soaked. Visibility was low, but at least he could still see out of his glasses; Hermione had put another water repelling charm on them a few months ago. Harry quickly pushed that thought back before it started to hurt.  
  
Harry flew in circles around the field with Cho close behind, at about mid-height. Cho had gotten a Nimbus 2001 over the summer, and now was a significantly more difficult opponent.  
  
"Johnson passes to Bell . she dodges around Davies . she's headed toward the goal . ooh, hit by a bludger, that's gotta hurt ."  
  
Harry continued circling the field, looking back now and then to confirm that she was still following him. Harry suddenly swerved inside, diving for some imaginary point. He glanced behind him and was pleased to see Cho was still following him, though now she was very close. He turned back to see a bludger headed straight at his face.  
  
Harry swerved, easily avoiding the bludger.  
  
But Cho wasn't so lucky.  
  
It hit her full on in the face, knocking her off her broom. She began to fall to the ground below.  
  
"No!" Harry cried, and shot down to save her.  
  
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)I'm sorry I had to leave it at such a cliff hanger, but it's important to the story. I'll post pretty soon, but I'm getting pressure on my other on- going story, "The Adventures of Rhone and Nori." If you don't have any thing better to do, read that. Review! Chao! 


	5. I'm sorry

)Hi!!!!!!!! I'm kinda hyper. Want to know why? I had English today. I always act high after English. Probably cause my teacher is kinda crazy. I personally think that this chapteris not one I should be writing while I'm hyper, but . I'm doin' it anyway!  
  
HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahah.giggle.giggle giggle.snicker.giggle.  
  
Okay, I'm done now. I am way to hyper for this chapter.  
  
))Disclaimer: I own no HP copyright. Unfortunately. Tragically. Despite many efforts. Oh, well. Maybe I'll try world domination. Sounds fun.  
  
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It was Sunday.  
  
The trip to Hagsmeade had been cancelledHarry knew, as he lay on his bed, that everyone else in the school was eating dinner in the Great Hall.  
  
But he didn't care. Cho was dead.  
  
Over and over, Harry saw Cho's death, saw her falling, falling 50 feet, landing on her head. Heard the sickening thud that had echoed through the silent stadium.  
  
It should have been me.  
  
It should have been me.  
  
It should have been me.  
  
The thought of the parents he had never known, who had died to protect him. He thought of his godfather Sirius, who had been locked away in Azkaban for 13 years, for a crime he had not committed. He thought of Cedric Diggory, is face frozen it horrified surprise. He thought of Bartemus Crouch, of Frank Bryce, of Bertha Jorkins. Of Hermione, petrified; of Ron, lying in a heap, his leg bent the wrong way.  
  
And he thought of Cho, lying in a sodden heap on the wet ground, her blood pooling beneath her.  
  
Harry was drowning in a whirlpool of thoughts, of images, of accusing, staring eyes. He nearly screamed.  
  
But then the raging torrent eased. The shadow upon his soul grew darker, but it no longer tormented him.  
  
Everyone gets hurt because of me. If I'm gone, everyone's hurt will go away.  
  
Harry got up and dug around in his trunk until he found the penknife Sirius had given him. He sat back down in the middle of his bed, and caressed the blade lightly.  
  
No more pain, he thought, and slit his wrists.  
  
The blood ran down his arms, pooled in his palms, flowed through his fingers to stain his sheets crimson.  
  
It's always been the blood of others on my hands. Now that blood is my own.  
  
Harry began to get light-headed and dizzy. He shut his eyes, embracing death. He heard the door bang open, Ron's voice.  
  
"Harry? Harry! Oh, shit, Harry! Wake up, please don't be dead, wake up!"  
  
Harry's eyes fluttered open. He saw Ron's terrified face, felt pressure against his wrists.  
  
That won't help me. I'm already dead.  
  
"No more pain." Harry whispered. "Good-bye."  
  
"Harry, no." Ron said, eyes spilling over. "Hermione's getting help, you'll be okay."  
  
But Harry wasn't listening. His conciousness was slipping away; only a thread remained.  
  
"I'm sorry." He whispered, then flew away.  
  
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)No, that is not the end. This is just the big, turning point thingie. What a great word. Thingie. Heh heh heh.  
  
Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review! 


	6. I will never forget you

)Hi. Dis be de sixth chapter everybody. I feel like talkin' funny.

Hoked on phoenicks helped me speel goud.

AAA-hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah…giggle. Giggle giggle. Snicker snicker. Snort giggle. Snicker giggle cough. Choke.

Thump.

Okay, my brain has returned to normal. Or, as normal as I usually am. All right now, I gotta get into the mood of this chapter.

All right I'm good.

Now, enough procrastinating, and let the story commence!

))Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and World Domination is harder than it looks.

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"Is he going to die?"

"He's tetering on the edge of life and death. He's the only one who can bring himself back."

"What do you mean, Poppy?"

"I mean that the boy's obviously got no heart in him to live. I've seen cuts like this before, Albus. He wanted to die."

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Harry."

Harry opened his eyes. He saw bright blue sky, devoid of any clouds. He sat up, and looked around. He sat on emerald green grass that spread in all directions until it met with the sky. He looked at his hands, and saw that his wrists bore no mark, no sign of violence.

"Harry."

Harry stood, and turned around. He could see no one. Then, like a whisper in his ear:

"Harry."

He turned swiftly, to find him face-to-face with Cho Chang.

Harry took a step back. He had never seen Cho look more beautiful. She wore a flowing white gown, and on her head was a crown of forget-me-nots. She seemed to glow with a soft golden light, her eyes shining with an inner light.

"Hello Harry." She said, smiling.

Oh good, Harry thought, I'm dead.

"You're not dead." She said. "But you are on the edge. One foot in that world, and one in this." For a moment she was silent. Then she took a step forward, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him, tears flowing down her face. Harry held her, stroking her soft hair.

"It's my fault." Harry said quietly. Immediately Cho pulled away, eyes sad.

"No." she said, with such firmness that any doubt at her words fled. "Harry, we cannot control fate." Her eyes started to fill with tears again. "Believe me, Harry. I would do anything to be with you. But I could not bear to see you give up your life like this."

"What do I matter?" Harry said, the old darkness creeping into his heart. "I hurt everyone I love."

SMACK! Harry put a hand to his sore cheek as Cho stared at him, eyes blazing.

"Don't you ever think that." She said, close to a yell. "If you truly hurt everyone you love, you would be in Azkaban by now. Things happen. People get hurt. You can't change the past and you can't destroy yourself with 'would've, could've, and should've.' But you can affect the future. Harry, you are the world's future." She reached out and touched the cheek she had slapped. Instantly the cheek felt as if it had never been hit. 

"But how?" Harry said. "I no longer have any protection against him, except my wand, and…"

"Shhhh…" Cho put a finger to Harry's lips. She looked sad again. "Harry, I wish I could tell you how it will end. If it was my choice to make I would tell you in an instant. Just know that the fate of the physical world rests in your hands.

"Now I must tell you. You have this choice. You can come with me, and we can be happy together. Or you can go back to the friends and family that love you. If you stay, the worlds fate is decided; Voldemort will win and the world will fall under a darkness unlike any it has never known."

"You said His name." Said Harry, startled.

She laughed softly. "Why should I fear a name? Before I thought it would bring him near. Now I would say his name a thousand times if it would bring him here, to the land of the dead." 

"What happens if I go back?" Harry asked after a time.

"The world's fate remains undecided. But, hope is stronger than fear."

"Will I die?"

"All die in the end."

"That's not what I asked."

"I know."

Harry ran a hand though his hair. This was really hard. Chose between possibly saving the world and being happy forever? But he knew he wouldn't be happy. He would know he had condemned generations to the rule of darkness. But he could be with Cho.

"Harry?"

Harry turned and looked at Cho. 

"I'll go back."

Cho smiled. "Good. It's not as nice as it seems here."

"It's not?"

She laughed bitterly. "Yeah. It's cold, and _you_ can't see the darkness."

"Oh."

"Harry, your parents told me to tell you they love you. They want you to be 

happy."

A tear ran down Harry's face. "Can I … can I see them?"

"No. They passed on long ago. I have been granted passage to both worlds. For a time."

Harry reached out and touched Cho's face, and she looked up into his eyes.

"I will never forget you, Cho." Harry said, hugging her fiercely.

"Nor will I Harry." 

How long they stood there, holding each other close, Harry did not know. But after a time, Cho whispered, "Time to go."

Harry turned, and saw a portal It was all blackness beyond, but Harry knew that that was the way back. He turned back to Cho, but she was already turning into white, shimmering light. Only her voice remained clear, singing a song.

I love you, 

I hope you live forever.

I'll see you in your dreams,

I know we'll be together.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

Harry turned back to the darkness, and walked resolutely forward. It stretched to engulf him, and as he entered, a cold blast of air hit him. But still he went forward. He felt himself start to fall, and then the darkness became total. But he could still hear Cho's song. 

Now your cryin',

You can't hear, the words that I say,

And my heart cries,

Oh, baby, I want you to stay!

Cause though it's cold out here,

And dark out here,

I'll keep the light away,

And wait for you.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

I love you,

And I will wait for you.

For you,

Just you,

I will wait

For

You.

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)Yay! I wrote the chapter I like. Finally! I haven't been able to get on the computer all day.

I tink this story is almost done. I have some idea about what I want to happen, but any suggestions would be appreciated. 

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

(I discovered the keyboard commands, so I'm having fu-un)

Adios! 


	7. Never again

)Hi! I say CoS yesterday and it was really cool and I liked it a lot and it was really fun and the spiders were so cool, and and and.  
  
Thump.  
  
Sorry bout that. I passed out from lack of oxygen. Anyway, dis is de seventh chapter of my story, and it will probably be the last. If you like it enough, I may write some sort of sequel.  
  
Heh heh heh.  
  
By the way, the song in the last story was written by me.  
  
))Disclaimer: JK owns everything. I own nothing. *Sob* Are you happy now? *Runs away and cries in a corner.*  
  
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"Harry? Harry, please wake up. We all need you. Ron is.Ron's a mess. He keeps thinks he was too late, too late to." the voice stopped, and Harry could hear sobbing.  
  
Harry finally realized who was talking to him. Hermione. He opened his eyes slowly, and looked at her. Her head was on his bed, and her unruly hair covered her face entirely.  
  
" 'Mione?" Harry said, his voice cracked.  
  
She suddenly stopped crying, and looked slowly up at him, her eyes red and puffy. It looked like she had been crying a lot.  
  
"I'm sorry I went away." Harry said quietly.  
  
Hermione stared at him, hardly daring to believe her eyes.  
  
"Uh, are you ok?" Harry asked.  
  
"Am I." she repeated. "Oh Harry!" she cried, and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "We thought you were going to die."  
  
"Ack." Harry said.  
  
"Oh, sorry bout that." She said, and let go of him.  
  
"It's so good to see you." She said. "Well, go to see you conscious."  
  
"How long have I been out?" Harry asked.  
  
"It's been three days since Ron found you." She said, then looked away. "Why did you want to go away, Harry? Why did you want to leave us?"  
  
"I never did." Harry said. "Cho's death really messed me up. I thought the world would be better off without me." He glanced upward. "But apparently things would have been a lot worse."  
  
Hermione looked at him oddly, but said nothing. The she jumped up. "I've got to go tell Ron!" she said, and started to walked out.  
  
"Hermione!" Harry called. She turned. "Don't take too long." He said, a mischievous look in his eye.  
  
Hermione blushed, then smiled. "Got it." She said, and walked out the door.  
  
Harry leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes briefly.  
  
"Harry?" he heard a quiet voice say. Harry opened his eyes. Dumbledore was stting in a chair next to Harry's bed. The Headmaster's eyes still had that familiar sparkle, but there was a sadness about him that Harry couldn't throw.  
  
"I'm back." Harry said.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "I think you needed a break. And a change in perspective."  
  
"Sir, while I was asleep. Cho Chang spoke to me. She told me that I was the hope of the world. Is that true?"  
  
"Harry, I don't know. But most of the wizarding world looks up to you as our last hope. You are the only one to survive the killing curse." Dumbledore stood. "I think I should take my leave now. I know Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Granger are coming to see you." Then he walked out.  
  
A few minutes later, Ron and Hermione walked in. Ron didn't look very good. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he was very pale.  
  
"Harry!" Ron cried, and some of his color returned. He ran forward and hugged Harry, realized he was hugging a GUY, and quickly pulled away. "I'm so glad you're ok."  
  
"Ron, thank you for saving my life." Harry said. "If you hadn't saved me, I'd be dead. How did you get there in time?"  
  
"Well." Hermione said, looking at the floor.  
  
"We thought you would do something stupid, so Hermione charmed your bed to send us an alarm if you moved." Ron said very quickly.  
  
"Hmm." Harry said. "I would be angry and indignant, but you guys did save my life."  
  
Suddenly Madame Pomfrey appeared. "Out! This boy is in a very fragile condition! His blood count is still much too low. Out!"  
  
Ron and Hermione dashed out waving to Harry as they caught each other's hands.  
  
Harry settled back in his bed, sleep finally overtaking him. For the first time, he looked at his wrists. They were bandaged up, and Harry could tell he had stitches.  
  
Never again, he thought as sleep overtook him. Never again.  
  
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Yay! I think this will be the end of this story, unless you bitch and moan about it to me, and I'll make a sequel. Review! 


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